A New Place

Emotionally, I have never been here before.

 I have had to sit around, watching everything degenerate,unable to do anything about it. Unable to do anything, actually.

There are several difficult parts about this. The actual physical aspect of it, feeling sick, sitting around.

The emotional aspect. It is hard for me to be such a taker. To actually ask people to bring us meals, or watch my kids, or babysit me! This is really been weird because it wars with my pride on multiple planes.

But the most humbling aspect of all this has been the outpouring (and I mean FLOOD-like), of prayers by the saints on behalf of our Baby. On behalf of me. When I didn't know if I was losing this baby, when I didn't know HOW I should feel about it, so many people called, texted, and emailed reassurances that they are praying for me. This threw me into an awareness of how Godless I can really be. There are so many things I don't pray for as I ought, and I think I am learning that...a bit.

So, when you ask me what I have learned through this, or what I think the Lord is teaching me....it isn't anything profound about contentment, or sympathy for others. Is is just a deep, soul-parching thirst for times in prayer to my Saviour.

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