Musings

Emotionally, I have never been here before.  I have had to sit around, watching everything degenerate,unable to do anything about it. Unable to do anything, actually. There are several difficult parts about this. The actual physical aspect of it, feeling sick, sitting around. The emotional aspect. It is hard for me to be such a taker. To actually ask people to bring us meals, or watch my kids, or babysit me! This is really been weird because it wars with my pride on multiple planes. But the most humbling aspect of all this has been the outpouring (and I mean FLOOD-like), of prayers by the saints on behalf of our Baby. On behalf of me. When I didn't know if I was losing this baby, when I didn't know HOW I should feel about it, so many people called, texted, and emailed reassurances that they are praying for me. This threw me into an awareness of how Godless I can really be. There are so many things I don't pray for as I ought, and I think I am learning that...a bit.

This morning I went to have another ultrasound to see what is going on. The fabulous news is that our baby is growing really well (they even upped my due date two days)! Here is what our sweet little jellybean looks like now, around two and a half inches: The Lab tech also saw what is called a perigestational hemorrhage that has increased in size over the last six weeks. The increase has only been by a couple millimeters, but the fact that there is blood visible in the same spot (just above my cervix) as six weeks ago concerned the tech. It is even more of a concern to my midwife. I am a little unclear on what this actually is. My understanding is that it is common, but should have healed up by now. Charlotte's concern is that if I bleed, it can cause contractions and possibly cause a more serious abruption to the placenta. While I am not consigned to bedrest, I am still supposed to take it easy for several more weeks....